Which 2017 NFL Playoff Quarterback is Most Elite – The Awl

Athoroughexaminationoffootball’smostauspiciousplayers。

Image:RyanMcDonough

Asanadjective,theword“elite”stillconveyssomethingpositive,evenaspirational:eliteathlete,elitemodel,elitetravelservices。

Butasanoun,embodiedbyactuallivingpeople,ithasbecomeoneofthenastiestepithetsinAmericanpolitics。

”?

—?

TheNewYorkTimes?

Magazine

JoeFlaccoisNotElite?

—?

TheWashingtonPost

NFC

DakPrescott(DallasCowboys):

DakPrescottisbuiltliketheheavymachineryworking-classwhitepeopleoperateforaliving,whichistheoppositeofelite。

Butmaybehe’ssoadeptatwhathedoes,heisoneofthosemachinesthatrequiresskilledlabor—laborthat’snotreadilyavailableincountiesthatvotedforBarackObamatwicebutthenflippedtoTrumpbecauselet’sjustblowupthesysteminsteadofchange?

jobs。

Moreover,Dak’sname,DakPrescott,makeshimsoundlikeoldmoney,likesomeonewhowilleventuallyhaveaccessto,andconflictsbecauseof,emoluments。

IfDakhadn’tbecomeanelitequarterback,hecould’vedonewhateverthehellhepleased。

Maybehisgrandfather,whoprobablyworkedforthefirstBushorwasthefirstBush,couldgethimajobtradingsecuritiesorattheTodayshowormaybeDakwouldjustbartendandfuckaroundwhilelivingcomfortablyoffhisblind?

trust。

ManypeoplearguethatDakissuccessfulbecausetheDallasCowboysoffensivelineissoawesome。

Slotanyquarterback,minusTonyRomo,behindthatline,andtheCowboysarestill14–2。

That’sfine。

Thatdoesn’tmeanDakisn’telite。

Elitesarealwaysprotected。

Theyalwayshavemoretimetomakedecisions,moretimetorecoverfrommistakesandmoretimetofeedtheballtoEzekielElliot。

Dakis?

elite。

RussellWilson(SeattleSeahawks):

RussellWilsonthanksGodtoomuchtobeatrueelite。

Elitesonlythanktheiragentsortheirlawyersorotherpeoplewhotheyhiretomakethemmore?

money。

RussellWilsonusedtoplaybaseball,andkindofimplieshewouldgoplayagainifanythingeverhappenedtohisabsurdlysuccessfulfootballcareer。

Atonetimebaseballwaselitebutnowit’sjustforimmigrantsandprofessorsatsmallliberalartscollegesandkidswhoarecomfortablewithdistantdads。

RussellWilsonisnoneofthesethings。

Andsohemustplaybaseballbecauseheactuallylovesit。

Lovingwhatyoudoiselite。

(That’scounterintuitivebecauseelitesalsolovetocomplainaboutwhatthey?

do。

)

RussellWilsonnevercomplainsaboutanything。

HeandhiscoachPeteCarrollaresoupbeat。

Alltheydoistalkabouthowtheyvisualizesuccessandthenexpressgratitudeafterthesuccessoccurs。

Onceinawhilethey’lldiscussvaccinesandhowtheyprobablycauseautism?

ButthenRichardShermanwillshoutfromacrossthefieldhouse,“Russell,ifIhearyoudenyingthescientifictruthofimmunetheoryonemoretime,Iwillconsideryoulesssmart。

”RichardShermandoesnotconsiderRussellWilsonsmart,butasanelitehimself,heknowsthatsometimesit’sbettertoletpeoplethinkyouthinkthey’resmart。

It’scalled“the?

bubble。



RussellWilsonisalsoaverageheightandhangsoutwiththecreatorofEntourage。

Neitheris?

elite。

MattRyan(AtlantaFalcons):

MattRyanattendedBostonCollege,aCatholicschool。

Catholicsareobviouslynotelite。

Catholicsarecivilservants。

TheonetimeaCatholicbecamepresident,thatpresidentwasassassinatedbyanon-Catholic。

ThereasonCatholicsarenoteliteistheyalwaysfiguresomeoneiswatchingthem,andsotheyactaccordingly。

Becausetheworldistheirs,elitesdowhatevertheywant,atalltimes,unlesswhattheywanttodoiseatatafranchiserestaurant。

It’seasytoimagineMattRyantappingonthehanddryerbeforeheentersabathroomstall,becauseheistooashamedtobeheard。

CanyouimagineMorningJoe,whoisanelite,everdoingthat?

No。

Heisusingthebathroom,andpossiblywatchingpornonhisphone,withthesoundon,anddefinitelyunrollingtoiletpapersoraucouslythatanyoneevenpassingbyinthehallwaycanhearwhatheisdoing。

Elitesdonotcareifanyoneislisteningorwatchingorhacking。

It’swhyHillaryhidaserverthatcouldbehackedinherChappaquabasement。

Justkidding!

Billadvisedhertodothatandheistrash(butdisguisedas?

elite)。

AaronRodgers(GreenBayPackers):

Sometimes,duringhisSundayNightFootballintroduction,AaronRodgerssaysthathegraduatedfromButteCommunityCollege。

Whilethisistrue,it’snotthefullstory。

RodgersalsoattendedCal,aneliteschool,andyou’dpresumehe’dbethrilledtoalwaysannouncethat,becauseeliteslovebraggingaboutwheretheywenttoschool。

Butdon’tforget:theonlythingeliteslovemorethanwheretheywenttoschoolisirony。

AaronRodgersisextremelyelitebecauseheiswillingtosayhewenttoButteinsteadofCal,allforthesakeofanironic?

smirk。

EarlierthisseasontheGreenBayPackers,andAaronRodgersspecifically,wereslumping。

Somepeople,myselfincluded,speculatedthatRodgerswasplayingpoorlybecausehewasnotspeakingtohisparents。

Elitesspeaktotheirparents,basically,daily。

Evendistantdadswholovebaseballstillspeaktotheirelitechildren,evenifit’sthroughthechild’smotherorotherprimarycaregiver。

Rodgerspredictedtosomereporterthathisteamwould“runthetable”ontherestoftheseason。

Howareyougoingtodothatwhenyou’renotspeakingtoyourparents?

Here’sthethingthough。

ThePackersdidfriggingrunthetable。

Makinggoodonaninsanepredictionisveryelite。

HaveyoueverreadorwatchedTheBigShort?

Elitesworshipcounterintuitiveprognosticatorsevenattheexpenseofglobalfinancialsystems。

AaronRodgersisalsodatingOliviaMunn,andtheyprobablycriedtogetherwhenHillarylost。

Whycouldn’twerunthetableforHillary,OliviaMunnaskedAaronRodgers,ashetextedhisparents,I’msorryI’vebeena?

dick。

AFC

BrockOsweiler(Houston?

Texans):

BrockOsweiler,aterriblequarterback,convincedaprofessionalfootballteamtopayhimatruckloadofmoneytobegoodatquarterbacking,somethingtheydidn’treallyhaveatonofproofhecouldbegoodat。

Convincingpeopletoactagainsttheirself-interestis?

elite。

BrockOsweilerwasborninIdahoandgrewupinMontana,scenicbutnotelite。

AndheplayedcollegefootballforArizonaState。

Alsonotelitebutheprobablyhadafuntime,morefunthanhewould’vehadatStanfordwherehecould’vegone,onscholarship。

SashaObamawilleventuallymakethesamedecisionBrockOsweilerdidandonlythenwillwerecognizeASUoverStanfordaselitedecisionmaking。

Goodforyou,BrockOsweiler。

SashaObamaisgoingtohavea?

blast。

BenRothliesberger(PittsburghSteelers):

BigBenistrashlikeBillClinton。

HisteammateAntonioBrown,however,isagod。

SomuchsothatRussellWilsonshouldthankAB,andnothisownGod,everytimetheSeahawks?

score。

AlexSmith(KansasCity?

Chiefs):

AlexSmithwasfirstinhisdraftclass,pickedaheadofevenAaronRodgers,andbeingvaledictorian,evenwhenAaronRodgersisthesalutatorian,iselite。

TheSanFrancisco49ers,nowtrash,usedtobeaneliteteam,withmultiplechampionshiptitles,butwhentheypickedAlexSmith,theywererebuilding,whichiswhatelitessaytheyaredoingwhentheyare?

failing。

AlexSmithisagamemanager,aprofessional。

Inserthimintoyouroffensiveschemeandhewillperformcompetently。

Heledthe49ersasfarashecould,untilJimHarbaughbenchedhiminfavorofColinKaepernick。

ThiswasbeforeColinKaepernickkneltduringtheplayingoftheNationalAnthemandalienatedhimselffromsomeelitesandmostnon-elites。

ButAlexSmithjoinedtheKansasCityChiefs,andwithCoachAndyReid,they’veregularlyappearedintheearlyroundsoftheplayoffs。

ResiliencecanbeanelitequalityassumingAlexSmithhaslearnedtoberesilientnotthroughprayerbutviaTimFerrispodcasts。

TomBrady(NewEnglandPatriots):

OfcourseTomBradyiselite。

HeattendedMichigan,whichislikeifthe92ndStreetYalsohadafootballstadiumwhereJimHarbaughworked。

KidsatMichiganwalkaroundwitht-shirtsthatsay“Harvard:theMichiganoftheEast。

”Canyouimaginebeingsoself-awareandsoself-deprecatingandsimultaneouslysoarrogant?

That’sthetrifectaofelitism,andTomBradyembodies?

it。

Trolls,especiallyinBuffalowhereIlive,liketomockTomBradyforendorsingandwearingUggs。

ButI’veonlyeverseenhimweartheUggsslippers,andwearingslippers—particularlyoutsideinthewintertime,likerunningtoLatinclassfromyourboardingschooldorminNewEngland—isveryelite。

TheboysfromtheDeadPoetsSociety,forinstance,wouldabsolutelywearslippersifthemovieweresettoday。

Insteadofsuckingthemarrowoutoflife,andseizingtheday,they’dironicallywearindoorshoesoutside,inthemiddleofJanuary,andstareattheirphones,Venmoingeachothermoneyfortheanxietymedicinetheybumfromeachother。

That’sbecause,aselites,theyloveironyasmuchastheyhateanxiety。

Besides,TomBradywearsUggsbecauseUggspayshimtodoso,andmakingmoneyisalways?

elite。

ItispossibleTomBradyvotedforDonaldTrump。

Heneverreallysaid,onewayortheother,asfarasIcantell。

Giseleseemedtogetpissedhewouldn’tdenyvotingforDonaldTrump,andifyou’renotvehementlydenyingyouvotedforDonaldTrump,you’rebasicallyatrollfromBuffalo,orworse,anIowafarmerwhorefusestolearntooperateaDakPrescott。

Neitherisveryelite。

Buthe’swonfourSuperBowlsandunfortunatelyisabouttowinafifth,nowthatElihasbeeneliminated,andevenifhecouldn’thavedoneanyofitwithoutBillBelichick,whenhaveeliteseverrefusedhelpfrompeoplesmarterormoreevilthanthey?